Some Thoughts

It is amazing how the ache from our hearts reaches our eyes. Has that ever happened to you? It is strange how our heart and eyes are connected. An aching heart is never alone, the eyes take the burden. They shed some tears, they cry with the crying heart. Am I making sense?

Tears in eyes and conscience knocking at our hearts makes one feel wide awake. It is faith blooming like new spring leaves. Faith is like a new born child, weak and fragile but spotless, yet it needs constant care; a close watch so that it doesn’t get hurt. Sometimes, when praying, our cupped hands feel the heaviness of the pain, like some magnetic current travelling through the body. On other occasions the lightness of it all makes the hands in prayer feel empty.

I wish many wishes, as is the human nature. The desires and wishful thinking has deep roots within the human heart. As age takes its toll on the human body, the wishes center around nostalgia, the past, the frighteningly fast pace of time. The idea of time slowing down seems tempting. For some old souls, the time’s slow pace, the same mundane days, become an added pain in their already arthritic bones. The clock’s constant tick tock is a reminder of their fading life and vague memories.

I want to write the words before they dissolve into the dark humid night. The sweat beads on my forehead stick to the rubber end of my half chewed pencil. The silhouette of the trees on my beige curtains cast a ghostly impression. The grasshopper continues its benign but rhythmic sound. The friction between the paper and the pencil lead reaches a crescendo and then snap, the nib breaks. The words disconnect and finally dissolve into the quiet walls around me; some slip through the half open window, the rest too tame to escape, sink back into the dark recesses of my thoughts.


The 1000th Hiatus

The problem with ‘hiatuses’ is that you have to explain every time you are going on one or coming back. I should be experienced about it since I have done a number of hiatuses in life especially in the world of blogging. Unfortunately I m always back to square one. However, I will let the curiosity of my absence hang in there for all my blog followers(read: I have zero readership)

The last post I made was back in January earlier this year. Things changed drastically in my life since then. In fact the funny thing about life is that, it is changing every second of our lives. Just that some changes leave impact and nudge us to our core.

To cut the long story short ( in fact there wasn’t a story in the first place) and since I m not diving into the reasons for the hiatus, I m just making an excuse of a post to post another post to get into the swing of more posts 😉

Spirit to Live

Nida: Can I have your number?
Me: Sure, why not.
Nida: (as I scribbled down my number) Will you also give me a call or will it be only me calling you?
Me: (a little startled) Of course I will, especially to ask about your Matriculation exam prep and then about your result.

She beamed at me.

With a strong handshake and a big hug we exchanged goodbyes. Before she left, eyes sparkling with joy Nida told me that her mother was going to study for her matriculation as well. The lean girl walked away, her smile full of hope and promise and her confidence unwavering. I stood wondering at her indefatigable optimism despite the fact that her relatives are a constant hurdle in the way of her education.

This sums up my career counselling volunteer experience with The Citizens’ Foundation (TCF) last Saturday. However, this is not where it ends. I came across many more like Nida. In their Julke campus, a place a few miles from Gajjumata station, the foundation had arranged a session for their 9th grade boys and girls to meet us, a group of volunteers from Lahore to motivate them to continue their education, to guide them how to choose future study plan.

Every time students passed by where I was stationed, I could see their big hearts and wide smiles overshadowing their limited resources, the difficulties that lay ahead of them. Students at TCF schools are currently getting education because they and their family have a will and also because TCF gives them the opportunity. However, their story does not end here. It’s not as simple as that. Once the students have passed their matriculation exams (equivalent of O Level) many of them will discontinue study. Why? Unfortunately they are not as lucky and privileged as us, for them education is not a matter of fact aspect in their lives. Some of them fight for their basic right to education with their parents and their relatives.

This is the stage where you and I can help them reach for their dreams, this is the time in the lives of these 9th grade students at TCF when they can see into their prospective future; beyond school and their village. This is the time when as volunteers we can make a difference, when they can be reminded that their matriculation and intermediate exams matter a lot. It gives the students idea how to continue their studies after school. Their confidence and dreams are reaffirmed when they get to meet people from cities, and believe me majority of them have never traveled to Lahore.

Volunteering is good for health. Yes it is as simple as that and I m sure no one has ever described the act of volunteer with its health benefits. In our busy lives, big dreams and ambitious goals, we tend to overlook that segment of the society which is pretty much like us in terms of dreams and goals; only distinguishable for their lack of resources. In order to get a reality check, to see beyond our bubble, we need to volunteer and participate in community service. We need to develop that feeling that we know exists within, but have never really given it much thought. The feeling of compassion, the feeling of understanding for the underprivileged who remain uneducated; their dreams get buried under the pressures of extended family, their limitations to move out of their villages to pursue their educational dreams. We can only bring out the realisation from its passive mode through volunteering, through reaching out to others and helping them. Instead of lazying around on a weekend why not make an effort to interact with the youth who have the potential but not enough avenues.

You or I cannot have an idea until we take the plunge out of our comfort zone to face how life is for others. You cannot imagine that one simple smile, a motivational sentence, a firm handshake or a pat on someone’s shoulder, guiding someone how to pursue their dream of going to college can make a huge difference in the lives of these boys and girls who live not too far from Lahore but far enough to easily let go off their dreams in the face of hurdles they come across.

Many a times, the children, the youth you meet at TCF schools will motivate you, will make you learn a thing or two about life. They are energetic and confident like Nida whom I met, who taught me more about hope and life than perhaps I could have that day to many others that I got a chance to meet. Its an exercise we all need to do.

Over the years many families and parents have warmed up to the idea of sending their children for higher education. Many have let go off their reluctance but there are people in these suburbs of Lahore and connecting villages who still believe secondary level education is enough for their children especially girls. Our role in their lives might add a little drop of change.

Things I believed as a kid

Weather is changing, spring is here and so is the endless summers.  As the flowers blossom outside and welcome spring, my thoughts too are coming to life. I have been going back to the days of innocence. Days when life was simple or so it seemed. Following are some random things I used to believe in my childhood.

At some point in our childhood we doubt if we are our parents’ biological offsprings. I personally had my moments when I thought that maybe I m an adopted child.

I thought that boys around the world are always older than girls.

I used to be scared of the dark, little realising then that real demons walk out in broad daylight and some even live within us.

As kids we see things like no one can. There used to be a beautiful mosque near our house. It had domes and minarets and it gave pink hues after twilight, probably due to the lights fixed on the ground. Whenever we passed by the masjid in our car, I always used to point at it and say hey look ice cream scoops for us all. The domes of the beautiful building looked like ice cream to me and I used to relish that.

When I was about five, my brother told me that the planet we live on is constantly moving. I used to stop many times in a day to feel the earth moving. Yes I have always been silly.

There are many more bits and pieces from the days gone by, the little things that put a smile on your face on a beautiful spring afternoon. So for now I let the breeze caress my face and take tiny steps with the present, glimpsing back into the past as the future pulls me towards it.

Flight and Fall

The tempting blue winter sky and the sun’s warm glow seeped into my skin.  On impulse I spread my wings and took flight. It seemed as if the winter’s warmth and pristine blueness of the sky invited me to soar towards it.

It was that time of the winter afternoon when the wind is crisp and fresh with the new season’s promises. I felt hopeful and young, my wings rejuvenated with magnetic force of the placid warm sun.

As I got closer to the brilliant light of the sun, a sweet burning sensation came to life. It was strange; the need to be close to the power of nature was in clash with the desire to be away from it. 

Inch by inch as the distance between me and the sun decreased, my skin felt parched. Cracks appeared faster than my gaze could shift from left to right. The brilliance of the light fell on me like a spider’s web.

Blinded by the unbelievable power of sun’s glow that appeared mild and surreal before, I began to crash back. The same magnetic pull that  was embracing me with all its might now pushed me back like a mighty giant blow.

Flailing all over, I dropped at incredible speed. I could easily imagine myself to be the reel of a video  tape that used to go crazy when a rewind or forward button was pressed on a VCR in old times.

The majestic beauty of the spotless blue in the sky felt like wrapping itself around me. For a minute I thought myself a dainty butterfly, a delicate creature from heavens falling into a  huge azure silk cloth trying to catch me as I kept shooting downwards.

I closed my eyes and imagined my fall, I felt  like a bullet shooting downwards wildly and brutally.

When a housefly royally settled itself on my parched skin, and felt sun’s delicious warmth distant and soft, I knew reality was better than I had imagined it to be.


Finally, finally finally! Thank God I can finally write on my blog. For my few patient readers I would like to explain the reason behind my unexpected sudden disappearance from wordpress. For some strange reason I was not able to see the text I was typing into my new posts.

I felt like being marooned on an island although I haven’t really been blogging religiously to feel deprived of something. But not being able to use the white space to scribble something on was like being stranded.

*phew* It feels so much better now. Hope to pour out a lot of my nonsensical thoughts here in the days to come 😀

Perks of being Jobless

Just a few random things I came up with on a beautiful spring day quite some time ago. I think I have mastered the art of being jobless and now it’s time to move onto the next level :p but while it lasts I thought I’d share my words of wisdom for all to enlighten themselves with.

1. Sleeping late is a privilege for the chosen ones without worrying to look human and alive in the morning for work. People with job to sleep in late and sometimes not at all; thanks to the competitive world of social media and other amusing gadgets and media that keep us up all night. However, sleeping late or being nocturnal is only a true pleasure for the boss-less .

2. As per the rule of nature when one sleeps late, we have a tendency to wake up late. Energy lost has to be conserved after all. It goes without saying that when you are getting paid on a monthly basis, showing up late at work will not be a pretty sight.

3. Leisure time is highly precious to the ones who work 9 to 5. All they look forward to while at work is Friday. Funny isn’t it? First we beat ourselves about getting a well paid job and then complain of work load and weekdays being 5 to 6 days long. But leisure can only truly be enjoyed by those who stay away from corporate or non corporate world where groups of people collectively wait for the weekend.

4. Leisure/free time is to pursue one’s hobbies perhaps or simply work on your own pace, maybe like freelance. The only problem is that there is quite a lot of that ‘free’ time and most of it gets vanished into thin air with you are job free. Okay so this isn’t really a perk.

5. The idea of living free of an authority called boss is nothing short of freedom. This can only be realized once you are crushed under a tyrannical or fastidious species that thinks himself the epitome of perfection.

6. The one who is at peace in mind and body can enjoy the liberty to muse on life absolutely undisturbed – no deadlines, no assignments, no cheap gossip among fellow employees and no pleasing the never-ever-pleased-boss. Spend long hours lying on fresh summer grass and gaze up the blue canvas and fill it with imaginative strokes.

7. No monthly income, no monthly taxes. Hence never run out of money for shopping enabling one to shamelessly ask for money from domestic authority called parents.

There’s got to be more for the self motivated jobless people out there. Feel free to share ( saying this to my nonexistent readers & also to the ones who do stumble on my blog and patiently read through)