The Eligible Bachelor Conundrum

Disclaimer: This a story specific to some parts of South Asia particularly to Land of the Pure.

There was once a young lad. When he was only an infant, his mother took very good care of him. He was fed and changed by the caring hands of his mother. As years past he grew into a handsome young boy by the very precise account of his loving mother. She would tell adorable stories about her boy. She would chuckle and get rosy cheeked with pride when giving account of her son’s handsome features, white skin and thick hair.

More years past on, the boy of tender age entered teenage. His handsomeness grew tenfold. His mother’s stories and pride about her son touched the heights of Mount Kilimanjaro (Mt Everest is over rated) She could not help but narrate tales of his achievements at school. Later her obsession with her boy’s success turned into even bigger stories. She moved in her circle of friends like someone with a gold medal. And indeed she had worked hard on her boy. She had spent her time and energy into raising her child, now a fully grown man; if I may say so an eligible bachelor — ‘a catch’ if you might add it in his mother’s words.

It was time. It was the right time for him to get a bride. A bride with a pretty face, a clean past, culinary skills to put master chefs to shame, qualification to match her son’s; and most importantly a girl of the right age. Age is a matter of big concern for it is closely connected to the prospects of furthering the family tree. Hence, the right age, the appropriate number is a serious business for mothers. If the bride in question is same age as her handsome son, it is a big no. If God forbid on the wedding day, a neon sign starts to shine horribly bright, letting lose the truth about the girl being OLD. No one wants a girl looking like a grandma!  According to “How to Find the Right Girl for your Son” guide book a girl should be at least 5 years younger; in fact the older the son, the younger the bride to be. What? You are questioning the existence of such a guide book?  Well I assumed there must be a golden rule book that is followed by all the proud mothers of their one in a million sons.

Coming back to the particular mother and son duo, the hunt began and is still ongoing. It has been some 10 light years since the mother set out to find the perfect match for her off spring who has grown into the epitome of a perfect man. And by grown I mean really grown like there is no stopping – no, not just vertically in height, but horizontally in all angels and shapes. The once poster boy for all to follow in all respects, now seems to be losing his edge.  The data, however, remains unchanged in his mother’s mental scrapbook. The records haven’t been updated for years which mean the girls keep aging all around. The eligible bachelor remains alive with that vampire streak of his, keeping him young and handsome and immortal in the fantastical mind of his mother.

Sun rises and fall, flowers blossom and wither, girls are born and then age. But there is a son or sons of marriageable age, forever the eligible bachelor(s) waiting for a perfect match. They all will live happily ever after, after they have lost their hair and teeth, with a young, naïve, pretty wife by their side.

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