Why have I gone crazy?
Seriously if I knew the answer to the above, I would never put it up for my own humiliation in front of whatever little audience/readers I have on a lonely blog of mine. Lately I have noticed some symptoms of craziness surfacing up all over me.
What has led me to question my lost sanity? This summer afternoon as people hide in their air conditioned room, I too sit in the bliss of this cooling machine as long as the electricity allows me and wonder; have the dams suddenly been filled with extra water?
While I sit and absorb my family’s chat, the blaring television and allow my eyes to dart on the laptop’s screen; sleep starts to creep its way up my feet. The intoxicating cool air from the cooling machine succeeds at dragging me to blissful dose of afternoon nap. I resist. I succeed in beating the overwhelming luring spell.
After an hour of fighting with my deranged, lazy nutty self, I am still sitting in the room with the cooling machine, spreading its spell of delicious druggy sleep. My eyes are still on the computer screen with my ears open to the sounds around me. Once in a while I pitch in my opinion in the family discussion and comment on the bullshit on television. Unfortunately I have done little as far as accomplishing my little tasks, like reading, writing and skimming through newspapers online.
This is the point I realize that I have lost whatever sanity was left of me. I do this every time. I make pious resolutions of doing this and that only to fail at getting things done. There’s got to be some limit to what disasters humans can do! It would save me a lot of my brains and time!
Certain dilemmas, unanswered riddles of life, unaccomplished goals, I don’t know what but it is something big, something ugly that always, ALWAYS, hinders my focus, my concentration. Lately my poor time management, lack of interest in things I am supposed to be good at, short attention span has led me to believe that I m growing senile ! This should be something scary for a woman my age!
Now as I reminisce about what has gone by, it is hard to believe that I, the lame lazy person that I m today, was actually a capable person of some merit. In very plain words, I have sucked in life quite a lot of times. However, there was a wave of potential energy in me not long ago. Yet it is near to impossible for me to recall the times when I had the efficacy of considerable amount!
SO ? Where has all the enthusiasm for life vanished? Why have I accepted the senile side of me so easily? The discovery of my ‘new’ benighted self is astounding but what is more astonishing is that I have ceded my intellectual territory to an unknown fear.
The conundrum continues…