So many sun rises and so many sun sets go by. I sit there in a corner of a scenery of solace. the wind billows my hair, the only companion invisible but there. I look for words, desperately but none would come until i plead. There is a moment I lost, in front of me. Something is missing. What is it that I know not…but something of significant value, close to my heart. HEART. Thats it. I have lost the beating rhythm but not to some too-good-to-be-true-prince charming-on-a-horse-back, riding through the beautiful prairie towards me. The stunning smile on the heroic face of my delusional prince charming fades and the horse slows down its gallop. I think he heard me. The distance between me and my savior increases…
My heart beat of the absent heart fastens and in a split second I realise. I feel as if someone suddenly moved the heavy paper weight, leaving the stacks of untamed paper to fly in every direction. Their hidden wings suddenly materalised out of illusion. It was the chaos of realisation.
The space where the well groomed horse had been galloping appeared deserted. The savior was a hoax. No prince was coming to give me the kiss of life. It was not a fairy tale. I was not the damsel in distress. My life did not begin or end in a children’s bed time story book.
I was real. My flesh and bones were real, maimed and brittle. My hair, silky and brown mingled with the real wind that carried dust and mote.
A drop of blood slid down my wrist and met with a dried up wound; reminder of my womanhood- a liability I carry for as long as I survive.
postscript: Dedicated to the many rape victims in Pakistan that meet a fate they least deserve though my words cannot heal their wounds.